The story below comes from the June 6, 1893, issue of the Chicago Times, but feels oddly relevant in light of recent, strange claims making news headlines. In the southeast corner of the fairgrounds of the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition, two men overwhelmed by the great windmill exhibit encounter a sober Columbian guard who offers sage advice. When the World’s Congress on Temperance opened on June 5, many newspapers responded by offering commentary on drinking, though usually lacking in sensitivity toward the disease of alcoholism.

The great windmill exhibit was nestled in between the Intramural Railway and the South Pond in the southeast corner of the Columbian Exposition fairgrounds. Further southeast along the road under the rail line stood the Bernheim Brothers Whiskey Exhibit, the Big Tree Restaurant, and the Old Times Distillery Company building.

“So Many Wheels Made Him Dizzy” from the Chicago Times June 10, 1893.

Millions of Whirling Windmills

Two men came up the line of the intramural road yesterday afternoon. They had the appearance of suffering from suppressed excitement, and their manner of getting over the ground suggested a smack thrashing to windward in a heavy sea way. As soon as they saw a Columbian guard they surrounded him, or at least one of them did, while the other was engaged in deftly brushing some dust from his coat sleeve.

They clamored to have the guard ring for the ambulance and hinted that delay was dangerous. They said they were both men accustomed to cut up rough long before they arrived at their present stage and that it was a mystery that they didn’t turn to and kill him. After what they’d seen, they said, they couldn’t understand what made them act so mild and friendly toward him, and if he’d kindly be quick about the ambulance, they’d sit down while it came and try to think about their childhood’s happy home and keep their minds off shedding his blood.

The guard here interposed a query as to what they’d seen that excited them so.

“What had they seen?” they yelled in concert. Glittering angels, what hadn’t they seen! They’d seen windmills, that’s what they’d seen.

Windmills till you just couldn’t believe it. All the way in size from a pinwheel to a Krupp gun, and colored up so an aurora borealis would feel sick beside them. There were millions of ’em, all going at once, an revolving in different directions, and standing on their own and each other’s heads, and running along the ground. They’d seen snakes and centipedes and rats before now by the roomful, but when it came to a sky full of windmills it made ’em dizzy just to think of it, and if they were going to see such things when they ought to be seeing the manufactures building they wanted an ambulance and to go to Dwight* afterward when they were able to be moved.

The guard assured them that it was all right; said the windmills were really there. The mistake you made, said he, was coming round by the big-tree restaurant, and the Old Times, and the Kentucky whisky cabins. You go round the other way next time and you see the windmills first and it won’t affect you so.

A view of the southeast fairgrounds of the 1893 World’s Columbian Exposition from the Intramural Railway. To the right of the roadway is the Big Tree Restaurant and behind it is the log cabin of the Bernheim Brothers Whiskey Exhibit. Far in the background in the great windmill exhibit. {Image from the Ryerson and Burnham Archives of the School, of the Art Institute of Chicago.]

* Dwight, Illinois, was home to the famous Keeley Institute, known for its so-called “Keeley Cure” to treat alcoholism using injections of gold(III) chloride solutions and various concoctions.